Below are two lists: one contains the adjectives that we chose to describe our 2018, and the other consists of adjectives that we hope will describe our 2019. If you are especially curious how we arrived at the final lists below, then I recommend that you also read 2018: A Year in Review — The Story.
2018: A Year in Review
Discovering
This year has been one in the school of hard knocks. (Seriously. We keep the nursery pretty dark, and I am constantly covered in bruises.) Going into it, we knew that we knew nothing about parenting, and… we were right! 2018 has been a lesson in everything from late-stage pregnancy to labor and delivery to the fourth trimester and beyond. As our son stands (literally and metaphorically) on the cusp of toddlerhood, we realize that we’ve learned a lot… but we have *so* much more to learn.
Dynamic
2018 has also been a year of change. It seems that virtually nothing in our life has remained static. Our college roommates moved out, and Taylor‘s brother moved in; I went from working to being a full-time mom; several of my best friends moved away; Taylor and I switched Bible studies, friend groups, and neighbors; and I cycled through several ill-fitting “careers”. Borealis changes even from one month to the next, and therefore our family does, too. Who knows? 2019 might be just the same.
Enduring
Talk to any new parent, and you will be instantly convinced that “exhausting” is an appropriate adjective for the first year of a child’s life. But our past year has been more than that. “Enduring” is a better descriptor because it implies emotional exhaustion as well as physical fatigue. Two situations have contributed most strongly to our overall feeling of emotional exhaustion this year: the fourth trimester and the plight of the stay-at-home mom. The fourth trimester (the first three months of a baby’s life) is always challenging. The infant is little more than a human-shaped slug. That can cry — loudly. And wants to be held — all the time. And can’t talk or laugh or even smile. Basically, the only redeeming characteristic of early infancy is those Anne-Getty-esque pictures you can get of the sleeping babe… except our photos didn’t even turn out well because Bo was super jaundiced. This was a season in which I questioned if God’s plan had *really* included kids for us (and, at my lowest, if there was actually a God at all). But Bo got older, and with the months came some measure of independence (although he still loves being held). He can now play on his own (for short periods of time), and his communication consists of more than just crying for attention. Even so, I am worn down by being a stay-at-home mom. I know — it’s kind of an awful thing to say, especially when so many women would kill for the opportunity to stay home with their kids. And truly, I know this is the right decision for us. [Note: I don’t believe that every woman is called to stay at home. I think that that is a decision for a mother to make through a discussion with God and her husband — not through the edict of society, me, or anyone else.] But, it’s also true that being a stay-at-home mom is more than a [traditional] full-time job, and sometimes, I wish I got PTO. I have an amazing family and several supportive friends that help me out with my son, but some days, all I’m doing (and by extension, all Taylor is doing) is… enduring.
Joyful
I think this one is the hardest for me to acknowledge, because, yes, 2018 has been joyful — at times. I guess I didn’t want to admit that this past year has been joyful because that would mean that I have no reason to be complaining, right? [Note: Totally irrelevant. Philippians 2:14 applies to everyone, including me: “Do all things without complaining and disputing.”] We have certainly laughed, though, and we have been immensely comforted by God’s presence, by His Word, and by the people He brings into our lives. We’ve got the joy, joy, joy, joy down in our hearts… just, sometimes it feels like it’s really deep down in our hearts.
Limited
This past year has been limited in several ways: temporally, financially, and socially. This time last year, Taylor and I could still go out for gelato at 8:30pm. (And this time two years ago, we could go out to a bar instead.) Now, our lives basically stop at 8pm — Bo’s bedtime. The hardest night of our week is Thursday, when Bible study keeps us out past nine. For the last half of every study, Taylor and I take turns trying to prevent Bo from crying and/or breaking the very expensive items in our host family’s house. Additionally, we are limited in resources. I don’t want to make it sound like we’re poor, because we’re not. We have enough money for all our necessities (including Taylor’s 401k, because one of us will need the means to retire someday); we just don’t have a ton left over. We used to travel a lot, but now we mostly stay in Colorado. [Note: Traveling with a Strong-Willed Child obviously bears mentioning here. My dad is a pilot, and I can fly space-available — i.e. free — until I’m twenty-six. Likewise for Bo, until he ages out of being a lap-infant at two. Therefore, the trip described in Traveling only cost my dignity — well, that, and $9 for the RTD ticket. However, the cost of bringing Taylor along — as well as the additional expenses of hotels and rental cars — is preclusive for much of our erstwhile travel.] We used to eat out a lot, but now we’re learning to “love” leftovers. We used to go on fancy dates, and now we play Breath of the Wild at home. Finally, it seems that we are also limited in the people with whom we can form strong friendships. Our lives are indelibly marked by being parents, and we often find that we have little to discuss with couples who are unencumbered by children. (And with single people… we just ask when they’re going to get married.) Furthermore, most new parents in the Denver metro area are about a decade older than we are, which leaves us (me especially) feeling like a child playing at an adult’s game. My ideal friend (young, educated stay-at-home mom in the greater West Denver area) is so incredibly rare that I’ve found only one so far. I’m very lonely. We hope that 2019 is not quite so limited.
2019: A Year in Preview
Relational
If we are to have a truly good 2019, then we need to live it in relationship with Jesus Christ. Both Taylor and I are already committed to that, and we are eager to deepen those relationships in the new year. Furthermore, we need to start/continue developing grounding, long-term friendships. Regardless of whether we can locate other young parents (i.e. other young, educated stay-at-home moms in the greater West Denver area), we can surely find people who will support us in our current walk of life, regardless of *their* current walk of life. (And visa versa.)
Passionate
This coming year, we want to better prioritize endeavors about which we are passionate. This includes writing and social engagements for me (the extrovert) and innovating and “adventuring” for Taylor (the introvert). Additionally, both of us agree that our marriage could also do with a little more passion as well. [Wink.]
Fruitful
We hope that 2019 will bring opportunities for us to make a significant impact in the lives of those around us. Specifically, we want to start a Millennials ministry in our church, but we will [hopefully] be content to walk in whatever good works God has planned for us — even if they don’t align with our plans. I am also hoping that 2019 will bring about Baby #2 — or, at least, the conception thereof. (Admittedly, that is “fruitful” in a different sense.)
Peaceful
No one knows what tomorrow brings! However, we pray that we will have peace and contentment in 2019, whatever its ups and downs.
Joyful
Borealis has just become ticklish in the last week, and his giggles and peals of laughter bode well for the new year. Here’s to hoping that 2019 is another year with laughter amidst the trials!
Best wishes for your 2019!